- THEMISSBDIARY

NYC Summer Stage.

2009-08-06T12:29:00.026-04:00

Central Park Summer Stage is internationally acclaimed for presenting world-renowned and emerging talent, from around the globe, in New York City's own backyard. celebrating it's twentieth anniversary, this season has held true to it's promises on being electrifying as ever. so far, there have been performances from Q-Tip, Ledisi, Chester French, Joe, Ginuwine, and plenty of other fantastic artist.

[pictured is Joe performing].

i should have did this post many moons ago but, as you can see, i've been ghost from these parts. The-Mistress* and i actually attended the Ginuwine [!] and Joe [!] concert and it was really good. my only complaint would be that there were no cuties! it really boggled my mind how an ALL male cast R&B concert, that should've automatically been deemed guaranteed ass, had no fine men. i thought guys would be swarming through the crowd. how wrong was i?

Ginuwine came out and serenaded the crowd with his baby making classics. he sung everything from his latest hit "Last Chance" to his first hit "Pony" and he sounded great. i was waiting for a takemyshirtoff moment but it didn't happen [=(]. still and all, when he started thrusting his pelvic area and gyrating his hips, let's just say he did some thangs to me and i'm sure every other female in the crowd. lol!

Joe, on the other hand, was good but instead of keeping the flow going with his oldies but goodies, he dulled us down with a bunch of new songs that no one knew. that definitely killed the mood a little but when he finished off with "Love Scene" and "Things Your Man Won't Do", [booyyy!] i was right back to were Ginuwine had left me. he was looking mighty fine in all white too, might i add. he had the nerve to say "i see some sexy ladies in the crowd. yall lucky there's kids here" and i swear i shot the nastiest look to ol' girl next to me. she had like four of her crumb snatchers running around. [sigh].

good show all around.

[catch me if you can]...

Jazmine Sullivan
Chrisette Michelle
Ryan Leslie
& Jon B
Sun. Aug.09.09
3.00 - 7.00

off hiatus.

2009-07-30T20:16:00.008-04:00

i know i've been missing in action! been busy doing a whole lot of nothing. i haven't even been checking up on my favorite blogger ladies [suga. monie. bcu. etc]. dead wrong and neglectful, i know. i'm back though, loves. bear with me... =)

happy birthday, me!

2009-06-30T00:30:00.001-04:00

i'm so NOT excited yet. maybe it's because the real celebration is this weekend! in NYC? get at meee!

reckless/foolish ass behavior soon to come.. ;-)

make it spicy.

2009-06-22T07:30:00.000-04:00

Rummaging through one of Victoria Secret's 5 for 25 panty tables, thinking about how cute i was going to look in some of the get-ups i selected, my mind shifted towards sex in relationships.

i thought about how i've always brushed off pleasing a man as being a no brainer. something simple. then i thought about how, contrary to my beliefs, i always hear my male friends talk about how corny chicks are with their bedroom antics. right then and there, i knew this would make for a great blog topic.

i [being the kind and caring young lady that i am] figured i would bless you with a few of my tips on keeping it spicy. now, no. i'm no sex guru, certified sexologist, or Sue Johanson, for that matter, but i do believe that i know my shit. help me help you in bringing out your inner whore. you'll thank me later.

- Get your Adriana Lima on.
if not for him then for you. what woman doesn't feel brand new when they've ditched their normal cottons for something sexy? lingerie stores specialize in things like this. find a flirty sheer babydoll or, if you want to get extra kinky, a mesh peek-a-boo set that leaves little to the imagination. if you're too timid for that then find out what type of panties he loves to see you in. for this exact reason, various styles [thongs, g-strings, boyshorts, etc.] are made to match in bra sets. you know what looks good on you so work it out. he'll love you for it.

- Turn on your bedroom "Sasha Fierce".
i know you didn't think that the "lady in the streets/freak in the sheets" line was just that - a line? men love an alter ego. be confident. when it comes to loving your hunnie, all of that shyness, ~~you pretended to have when first meeting~~, should be thrown out of the window. unless you're role playing, and coyness is the name of your character, be a aggressive. careful though. you don't want to be aggressive to the point of him feeling like he's the one in the skirt. i mean, unless that's what he's into of course. [side eye]. no judgment.

- Channel your inner Pinky [porn star]: Talk Dirty.
it's now time to feed his ego. tell him how good he's handling it. talking dirty goes a long way. no man wants to feel like he's having sex with a blow up doll and, let's face it, mediocre moaning is just... boring. on the flip side, i've heard how some of you ladies can over do it. don't get comical with the filth. sounding like your auditioning for voice overs, in one of those late night shows [you know, the corny ones that come on the movie channels?], will just kill the mood. exaggeration can and will bring him down [pun intended]. you want to be believable. it'll build his confidence and he'll preform way better. this ends up working out for the both of you.

- Be a "$15 hooker".
his words, not mine! lol. [listen closely at the 0:29 mark].

i would hand out a few other tips but i'm trying not to get too explicit with this. feel free to cosign or add on to anything i've mentioned. if there's anything you disagree with, feel free to let me know as well. hell, you might be able to put me onto something.

remember ladies, for every one thing you won't do, there's always a thousand females who will.

happy father's day!

2009-06-21T09:15:00.000-04:00

"i'm the only one who's going to be here through thick and thin. no matter what you do or how many times you fuck up - i'm the only one who you can depend on unconditionally. not your friends, your boyfriends, or anyone else..." - dad.

this was a few years ago, during one of my many lectures, after he got me out of one of my many mistakes. we won't get into exactly what that was but his words, from that situation, have always stuck with me. he's absolutely right. there is no unconditional love except for the one between a parent and child. love is conditional. i may have friends and such who are there for me - but he is the only person who i am 100% sure in.

Happy Daddy's Day to all of the amazing dads like mine!

NYC Pride Week.

2009-06-11T08:40:00.036-04:00

What is "Pride Week"?

Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Pride Events that take place across the United States. People celebrate to commemorate the Stonewall Riots, marking the first time that gays fought back physically against police harassment and entrapment.

The Stonewall Riots occurred, June 27 - 29, 1969, outside the Stonewall Inn in Greenwich Village. These riots are considered to be responsible for initiating the modern queer liberation movement worldwide. Pride Week seeks to publicize the successes and struggles, for equality, made by the queer community.

catch me if you can...

- Rapture on the River.
Sat., June.27.09
Pier 54/13th Street [Hudson River Park]
6:00 pm - 11:00 pm

- Pridefest.
Sun., June.28.09
Hudson Street/W. 14th Street
11:00 am - 7:00 pm

- The March!
Sun., June.28th.09
5th Avenue [52nd Street - Christopher Street]
noon - until...

(for pride week's full event schedule nycpride.org)

yum!

2009-06-09T12:28:00.018-04:00

... because my arteries were just screaming for a heart attack.
(BAR89 w/ The-wife*)

89 Mercer Street
New York, NY

instant deal breakers.

2009-06-03T22:06:00.027-04:00

The-sister* and i went to grab a bite to eat, at Chipotle, the night before last. in typical girl talk fashion, we got onto the topic of men. as we chatted about ex psychos and what has gone wrong in our past inflictions, the topic of "deal breakers" came into play.

i've been in more than enough relationships and [clearly] my track record isn't pretty. i have yet to master knowing exactly what i want but i definitely know what i do not want (have you seen "Vicky, Cristina, Barcelona"?). i've composed a top ten list...

(1) a compulsive liar.
(2) lackluster personality.
(3) insecurity.
(4) alcohol and/or drug abuse.
- [yes, guys. extreme weed smoking applies].
(5) someone dense in the goal department.
(6) someone who isn't working towards achieving their goals.
(7) has one or more offspring.
(8) excessive slang usage.
- [everything should not be "wavy" and/or "splashy". this also includes speaking proper english. every sentence should not end with "nah mean?" and auxiliary verbs should always be used correctly].
(9) "quid pro quo" mentality.
(10) parental dependency.

what are few of your deal breakers?

"cause i know...

2009-06-01T00:01:00.002-04:00

better not to be friends with boys with girlfriends..."
- Meiko "Boys With Girlfriends"

The-sister's* boyfriend's brother [SBB]. we clicked instantly. he opened up to me so i felt comfortable. i generally spot the ~~i'm tryna get into your panties, so let me hit you with the sob story~~ phonies, from the first line, but this was different. he was being genuine.

we spoke about his situation. we've had three barbecues, this year, and his daughter's mother/girlfriend hasn't attended any. i asked if everything was cool. i already had the scoop, from The-sister*, so, technically, i was just confirming what i already knew.

typical relationship woes. they love each other but, after years of drama, they're basically on their last life line. she moved back with her parents, the middle of last year, and he's been living alone since. they're trying to work it out - all his words. not mine.

he really got deep. shocked me for a second. i mean, we've always been cool but this was different. i opened up a little too. got into detail with my two previous situations (Mr. Right Turned Wrong and Mr. Situation). i was on the brink of tears so i cooled it. he understood.

later on that night, everything had settled and we were cleaning up. it was about one a.m and everyone had gone home. it was the sister's boyfriend, SBB, their other brother, the sister, and myself. The-sister's* boyfriend brought out the cards for spades. i'm the only one who can't play so, with my cup in hand, i just watched. surprisingly, we still had a few bottles left so i was more than good.

we flirted. i was dead wrong but, fuck it, i was tipsy. i didn't think anyone noticed until i peeped The-sister* watching me. this heifer never misses a beat i thought. she threw me a "cool it, bitch" glare and i shot her a "mind ya' business and watch ya' hand" one back. she rolled her eyes, threw down whatever she threw down, and grabbed her team's book. it was the normal bestfriend looking out for bestfriend thing we have. i understood.

it was about three in the morning and the game was done. everyone was ready to hit their sacks. the sister grabbed her boyfriend's car keys and asked me if i was ready. SBB jumped in offering to drive me home instead. he didn't even finish his sentence before The-sister* shot him down. he tried to reason with her saying that he was heading in my direction. we all knew that was a lie. he lives in yonkers so i'm definitely out of his way.

she was silent for a second and then asked me what i wanted to do. i could see she was tired so i pointed that out. i said it would be fine and, jokingly, told her to go tend to her man. she smirked knowing me all too well. we hugged, whispered "fast ass"/"cock blocker" to one another, laughed and i headed for the door.

the ride was pretty much silent. whatever little talking done was done by him. i was too busy thinking. my head was spinning. i was trying to figure out how i should end this night. if i listened to "the kitty" then i knew there would be consequences. we had plenty of barbecues, lined up for the summer, and i knew i wasn't in for dealing with the awkwardness. on the other hand, "the kitty" was purring like a motha'. i was weighing my options.

we pulled up in front of my building and there was complete silence. i watched him watch me. i had on this short khaki "safari" shirt dress. he traced my thighs right on up to my cleavage and then we locked eyes. he was being obvious with his and it made me tingle. i gave all 6'2 of him a once over. his brown skin, tattoos, nice arms, toned legs - everything.

my imaginary x-ray vision was just about to get a clear picture, of what i was hoping to be underneath his basketball shorts, until he broke my trance. he rested his hand on my thigh and asked me if he could walk me in. i paused. reality hit and somewhere, in the mist of triple X rated thoughts, i came to my senses.

i've made too many jacked up choices in the past. a situation like this could only get ugly and i'm trying to stray away from the drama. not only that but my old/new hunnie, RT, started blowing up my phone. i took that as a sign telling me to raise my ass up out of his jeep. i kissed him on the cheek, thanked him for the ride and told him to have a good night.

boy, how i've grown...
[even though i feel like this story hasn't ended...]

that girl.

2009-05-25T10:55:00.013-04:00

[2:31] "but you convince yourself that she means everything and you want nothing to do with me. but come on, baby, she looks just like me... 'cause i was your first, the prototype and she's just a duplicate. and you can never make copies without first consulting the blueprint. you know what they say - the sequel is never better than the original. and she tries to write you stories but they're only half as good. you're half squinting. you only hold her half as tight as you should. because your other half is tangled within my bedsheets. and your other half is complete within my mind. soul. and body. and your other half is french tonguing me monday through friday. i'm not fighting for joint custody - i'm fighting for respect." [3:18]
- Alysia [Brave New Voices]

to be continued...

skeletons.

2009-05-23T11:49:00.005-04:00

"all women have a skeleton in the closet. all women have one. even little sweet innocent ones have something that only them and another person knows about... but some women got cemeteries in their closets."
- Eddie Murphy "Raw"

lol. for those of you who do not understand the "skeleton in the closet" idiom, it's something that a person would prefer others not to know. it could be *that unconscious decision you made ~~to get wild and crazy with those five dudes~~ that night you were stoned. *that conscious decision you made to have an abortion because the timing wasn't right. or even something as little as *that Sunday morning you stole twenty dollars out of your grandmother's purse. the extent of these "skeletons" may vary but it's all based on the opinion of the person who has tucked them away.

if any of you have seen RAW, Murphy was referring more so to women and their secrets with men. i can't speak for males but i believe that every female has done at least one thing they're not too proud of. admittedly, i have about... two "skeletons". they're not things i'm ashamed of or things that i'll die with. i mean, there's really nothing that personal [about me] that i haven't told to at least one of my girls. they're ~~just as wild~~ impartial to judgment so i can't think of anything they'd turn their noses up at. these secrets, that i hold, are just things that i'd think twice about sharing with someone i'm seriously dating.

i was speaking to my boy Lo [name changed] and we got into a little debate on something that kinda falls under the same category - women telling their number of sex partners. he feels that if i'm secure enough with myself then i should have no problem with sharing my digit. wrong. i'm secure enough with myself [and my number or anything for that matter] but i can't always be sure that the man i'm seeing is secure enough with himself to know. not only that, but, whether my number is two or a hundred [example, people. this is just an example!], it should be irrelevant.

how many "skeletons" do you consider yourself to have? you're open to share what they are, anonymously, if you choose to.

the birthday girl.

2009-05-23T11:01:00.021-04:00

lol... i kid, i kid.

in light of the real holiday this weekend...
HAPPY B'DAY TO THE-MISTRESS*!
love you, hunnie. hope you enjoy this one and many more to come! =*

fifteen facts.

2009-05-17T09:52:00.030-04:00

[this little survey thingy is going around facebook. i thought i'd bring it here since it is about me...]

(1) - being an only child, who use to wish for older siblings, i use to lie [to friends] and make up elaborate stories on things my "two sisters" and i did together. on facebook i was recently asked, by an old friend from elementary school, how they were doing. i never replied. lol.

(2) - love. i'm an all or nothing type of female. i don't fall easily but, when i fall, i fall hard. i don't half ass anything so this would be no exception.

(3) - i may use, but i never sit on anyone's toilet except for my own. not friend's, boyfriend's, or even relative's. it's not that i don't trust them. it's just that you never know who else has used someone's bathroom.

(4) - i wash my hands at least twenty times a day. i get this really weird feeling after touching damn near anything. i swear, i'm like a few washes a day away from diagnosing myself with some form of OCD.

(5) - i haven't joined and will never join twitter. no offense to the billions of you on there but i honestly think that the concept of the site is ridiculous.

(6) - i've had an affair.

(7) - i'm clueless [i'm exaggerating] on what i want to do in life. this scares the sh-t out of me. i don't want to hit twenty-five or, even worse, thirty and still be in this contemplative state of mind.

(8) - am i the only one who still plays the sh-t out of Coldplay's "Viva La Vida" [the album in entirety. not just the single]? i'm addicted!

(9) - speaking of Coldplay, am i the only one who thinks Chris Martin is kinda cute? i'm still on the fence. [side eyes Gwyneth Paltrow].

(10) - i fear the ordeal of ever loosing my father more than i fear my own death.

(11) - i feel extremely awkward walking around the house with clothes on. unless there's company over, i'm in a tank top, panties, and flip flops. lol.

(12) - i have two tattoos. on the inside of my wrist is "love" in Japanese calligraphy and on my left foot is the face of a Lilly flower.

(13) - i am such a sap. even with movies i've seen a thousand times [the notebook, love&basketball, etc.], i still cry my heart out during emotional scenes.

(14) - this will come as a surprise to a few of you because, if you know me, you know that i'm like the national spokesperson for us beautiful dark skin women. lol.

when i was younger, i use to hate my complexion.

(15) - Idris Elba and i were engaged. he left me after he found out i was the real reason behind nas and kelis filing for divorce.

meryl streep. <3

2009-05-16T20:30:00.035-04:00

I've been obsessed with this woman for years now. she's outstanding. picking the best roles, she blows me away every time. she's extremely versatile and it definitely shows in her wide range of films. from "Kramer vs. Kramer" (one of my favorite classics) to "Lions for Lambs", she is just... incredible.

she has a reigning record for the most Academy Award nominations. fourteen times - winning two. that's more than any other male or female. and it's not just Oscars, folks. she's in line for the most Golden Globe nominations too. 21 in total (second only to one person - Jack Lemmon) crowning her actress with the most nods in this category.

it's rarely that i watch a movie and think "damn.. he/she's amazing." (saying it with so much enthusiasm that any adjective of choice would obviously be an understatement). more than often, i'm saying it when watching a movie she's starring in. have you seen "Doubt" yet?

meryl streep is, hands down, one of the best actresses of our generation. i will argue with anyone who chooses to oppose my ~~opinion~~ fact. just test me.

i dare you. lol.

who is one or are some of your favorite actors/actresses? and i don't just mean the ones you lust after, guys. lol. i want to see some names of people who hold weight.

p.s - my favorite actors are Washington and Nicholson. i would do little synopses on them too but come on... do i really need to?

oral fixation.

2009-05-13T21:40:00.013-04:00

Is it me or has anyone noticed that rappers are beginning to speak more openly about diving downtown? from t.i's "eat it, beat it 'till swollen. you gon' need an ice pack" to santana's "and if it tastes how it look, imma try to swallow her" (just to quote a couple), i've been hearing it all.

-no complaints-

i'm sure the act of doing so isn't rare in these guy's lifes. these are grown ass men, 24+, we're talking about - so i would hope not. it's just nice to hear fine young men bragging about doing so.

it's been awhile since i've ran into a ~~so called~~ grown man claiming not to get his "grown man" on. but, sadly enough, i do hear you men still exist. music definitely influences culture so, with that said, maybe a change will come to you folks who are still non believers? i sure hope so. lord knows you guys never make it past the first chapter in my book.

i'm just saying...

anyway, i heart you lil wayne.
you've started a movement and i'm loving it!

happy mother's day!

2009-05-10T10:31:00.014-04:00

to all the fantastic moms out there! all the ones who know that a hard day's work is never complete - even after clocking out of the nine to five. AND to all of the daddies playing the mommy role too. i commend you. this is your day.

enjoy it... =)

dating 101.

2009-05-05T13:24:00.022-04:00

Chit chatting with a home girl of mine, we started to speak on an interesting myspace blog she posted. dating... is it vanishing?

i find it very hard to understand why, when first meeting a few of you guys, the first question i'm being asked is "when are you coming over?". [blank stare]. if i made a list of deal breakers, when dating, this would be definitely fill the number one slot. if i just met you yesterday, how could you possibly think i'm remotely interested in laying up in your house? i can lay around my own place, be comfortable in my own bed, watching my own t.v. we are not in the tenth grade.

woo me a little bit. i know the thought of spending a little cash, on someone who you have a 50/50 probability of disliking, seems a little bit painful - but guess what? you are a man! this is one of the disadvantages you have with not being blessed with the capitol "p" (that's pussy for you geniuses). and, NO, dinner plus a movie does not necessarily equal goodies but it is a start.

[sidebar - i won't play little miss innocent like i've never slept with a guy on the first date. i have. i'm wise enough to know that people meet, people click, and things happen. the moral of this note is, it's not a regular thing.]

you guys know exactly what type of chick you're approaching when you set out to "bag". if not, then you know exactly what type of chick you've approached when you've had at least one conversation. of course, being the pretentious creatures you are, there's always that "chance" factor most of you run with. that "fuck it. if i try, what's the worst that can happen?" disorder, as i like to call it.

sorry, sweetheart. but not here.

sometimes they're indistinguishable but, for the most part, you can spot a bird from a mile away. if easy access is what you're seeking then you know exactly who to get at and you know exactly who not to get at. start coming correct or don't come at all. when it comes to me, i know you know better.

take a hint.

2009-04-27T23:24:00.033-04:00

Have you ever met a person who wouldn't let go? i have. matter of fact, i've been in quite a few situations where a person held on tight to absolutely nothing at all. my most recently situation happens to be with someone i met late last year. we went out a few times but i felt we just didn't click.

ladies and gentlemen, if you've been constantly calling your person of interest only to never get through - then take a hint. he/she is just not that into you. continuously dialing that person's sevens only makes you look psycho. they will not think "oh, he/she must really like me." - they'll think "what the f-ck is wrong with him/her?".

sadly, unless provoked, i'm a sweetheart. i don't have a mean bone in my body to those who haven't wronged me in some sort of way. with that said, i can't tell him to cease and desist. i can't ask him to stop calling me and to refrain from texting my cell phone because he bores me half to death. i don't have it in me. instead, i'll just continue to ignore this person's attempts and, maybe... just maybe, another four months from now (yes it's been that long since i've seen/spoke to him) he'll understand what is actually going on...

any stalker-like situations? do tell...

no. 1 ladies' detective agency.

2009-04-27T11:54:00.025-04:00

As far as drama series go, i have a few favorites. i never thought another show could take the place of my Grey's Anatomy though... until now. The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency premiered a few weeks ago and i've been hooked since. like most shows/movies, the show is based on a series of novels by Alexander McCall Smith. i've never read any of these books but, from what i've read in reviews, it holds very true to it's original storyline. the series is filmed on location in Botswana (South Africa). this is the country's first major film/television production to be carried out so i'm sure the Batawana are just as excited as i am.

Jill Scott, who stars as the show's lead, plays as the head detective in charge - Mma Ramotswe. she's phenomenal. not for one second did i expect her to be anything less but she definitely blew my expectations. i first saw Scott act in the ~~black version of Sex and the City~~ hit show 'Girlfriends'. if my memory serves
me correctly, she played as William's love interest and she did a pretty good job. i then saw her again, on screen, where she did her thing as the self esteem inflicted Sheila (Tyler Perry's "Why Did I Get Married?"). there is no denying that the funky soul singer can act.

also starring in the show is Anika Noni Rose. She plays as Mma Ramotswe's assistant Grace Makutsi. most of you may know Rose as the third member of the Dreamettes trio in the Golden Globe winning Dreamgirls musical. i first got the chance to see her, back when i was in junior high school, in Broadway's Tony award winning musical Aida. she, to me, is a very underrated actress but will soon get the praise she deserves.

check it out:
The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency.
Sunday. 8:00 p.m. HBO.

i need sex.

2009-04-23T07:32:00.066-04:00

Now, when i say need, i don't mean need like those four and a half inch platformed Pour La Victoire sandals i keeping running my mouth about. i'm definitely purchasing but, (God forbid) if i die today, it wouldn't be because i never got the chance to strut my cute ass down Broadway in them. [smiles]. when i say need, i mean need like in order for the involuntary act of breathing to go on processing, my body needs to continue inhaling oxygen and exhaling carbon dioxide.

yes, it's that serious.

right now, i'm suffering from withdrawal. lol. i haven't done the nitty gritty since 'him' and i parted ways, over a month ago, and the side effects are starting to kick in. if you know like i know, going from electrifying sex, two - three times a week, to nothing at all is very difficult.

i'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. i can call up one of the oldiesbutgoodies but i'm refusing to. since my dealings with the forbidden fruit, i've ~~kinda~~ committed myself to my "if you cut him off, you cut him off for a reason" motto and there's no turning back. on the flip side, i'm not looking to add another notch to my belt over some bullshit. we all know that men, like new electronics, sometimes come with defects. the only difference between ~~Mr. GarbageInBed~~ him and that new Sony wireless MP3 is that one came with a warranty and one didn't. get my drift?

my only alternative would be good ol' "Everytime" sitting up in the panty draw. the only thing is, Everytime has somehow turned into all the time. i'm tired of him. we women love to praise our sex toys, when it comes to the "oh, i don't need a man!" topic, but we... i do. sure, Everytime gets me there every time (hence the name) but what's missing? the passionate part of love making. no kissing, no four play, no dirty talking, no ass smacking, no... everything! the day that Vibratex creates a robot, that can do all of that ~~and then some~~, is the day that i start holding sex toys above all.

i need to go get ready for work. i guess i'll figure this out later.
enjoy your day..

the wife.

2009-04-12T17:11:00.024-04:00

"i sent an angel to watch over you last night but it came back. i asked it why and it said angels don't watch over angels..."

While going through my box of ~~shit i really need to let go of~~ things that i keep (love letters, cards, concert/movie tickets from dates, etc. - am i the only one who holds onto those things?), i came across this note. The-wife* wrote this to me, back in high school, about six years ago.

i think females know, better than anyone, that authentic friends are rare. the shady characteristics that a lot of females possess are unbelievable. i won't just get on the females because i know quite a few males who secretly wear stockings too. this is why i don't use the term loosely. it's a quality over quantity type of thing for me.

if you have a true friend then, i warn you, hold on tight. they're part of a dying breed that will soon be extinct. you do know that the ratio for friend to snake is like 1 to 934398, right? smh. it's true...

"ninetynine problems...

2009-03-07T13:09:00.031-05:00

... but a ~~bitch~~ man ain't one"? yeah, that'll be the day.

"him" and i. our main problem is that he feels i'm "too secretive". he wants to know everything about my past... with other men. at least that's the lie he keeps telling himself [sarcasm]. i'm no saint and i've never proclaimed to be. i stress this. i'm not ashamed of anything i've done but i've never believed that two people should know everything about each other. especially when it comes to things that have been done in previous relationships. there are just some things that should be left alone.

my rule is simple. never kiss and tell with a man, who isn't a platonic friend, unless you aren't serious about him. it'll only come back to haunt you. men, like women, can be very fickle when it comes to things like this. what man truly wants to know (example) that his woman's special tongue trick is perfected today because it's been practiced on however many other men? i don't care how much he claims knowing will not faze him - it will. one heated argument can bring out true feelings quicker than a few shots of patron. been there, done that. trust, i know.

(him)"you never talk about your past and that shit bugs the hell out of me."
(me)"i don't mind talking about my past when it's relevant to my present. you want to know about shit that doesn't concern you."
(him)"well, what can i ask since everything seems to be an issue?"
(me)"everything is not an issue. questioning me about things i've done with past dudes is though. do you see me questioning you about what you've done with other chicks?"
(him)"you never have to."
(me)"and that's your decision."
(him)"if we're together how am i suppose to trust you? and i still haven't seen your blog."
(me)"here we go..."

this is what i call the "routine disagreement". it's the conversation we have that has been reiterated over a thousand times in over a thousand different ways. my blog [smh]. i must have been drunk or drugged when i let the fact that i even have one slip off my tongue. if this was a fashion, health, or beauty blog then i would have no problem sharing it with him. it's not though. this is a blog based on my roller coaster love life - with a few thoughts on other topics mixed in between. i'm anonymous. with the exception of friends. stalkers. and family, who frequently check up, no one knows me. i do not want anyone i'm dating reading my blog nor will i ever date anyone who i've met through my blog. period. he hasn't grasped this concept.

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my questions are - (1) do you tell your significant other everything when it comes to your previous relationships? (2) do you honestly want to know everything about your significant other's previous relationships?

small talk.

2009-03-02T21:47:00.040-05:00

(him) - "when Mike [name changed] asked you if you've ever been paid for sex, you said yeah?"
(me) - [laughs]. "of course. is that what's bothering you?"
(him) - "oh, word?"
(me) - "cut it out. all i meant is that every man pays for..."
(him) - "i haven't spent money on every chick i've ran in."
(me) - "i'm not talking about these meetandbeats running around."
(him) - [laughs].
(me) - "you know exactly what i mean. it may not be as cut and dry as (1) boy meets girl. (2) boy takes girl to a hotel. (3) boy leaves money on the nightstand after sleeping with girl - but, one way or another, every man pays for ass."

material items. dinners. hotel reservations [uh, duhh]. getaways. ect. anyone? i've been paid and so have you.

history made.

2009-02-22T17:29:00.029-05:00

While skimming through channels, i caught wind of this documentary, Breaking the Huddle: The Integration of College Football, on HBO. it was basically about African American college athletes and the effect the civil rights movement had on them. i'm not sure when this first aired, so i may be a little late on this. it was my first time seeing it though and it was great.

i think sometimes we tend to forget that segregation existed ~~damn near yesterday~~ less than fifty years ago. jim crow laws were just put to an end in the 60's. i never was great with dates so (though i should be able to) i couldn't tell you the exact year the civil rights act was passed. [googling it now]. the point is, it wasn't that long ago.

thanks to people like jerry levias (pictured above), darryl hill, and bubba smith - just to name a few - for breaking barriers in playing on all white southern school teams. these guys had to endure racism from not only opposing teams but their own teammates as well.

though racism is still alive and well, it feels great to know that today we dominate most, if not all, pro sports.

chrisbrown/rihanna.

2009-02-22T17:04:00.019-05:00

MTV has a series/special now? seriously? [sigh].

am i the only one tired of hearing about this? i don't understand why everyone's expressing their opinion on this situation. we're making shows and stuff about this but, at the same time, hoping she's able to move on?

yeah, that makes sense.

it boggles my mind why, when tuning into the ten o'clock news, i'm hearing "updates on the chris brown and rihanna scandal". really? with everything else going on in the world? really? the real sad part is that, if this was any other random female, no one would care. after the day the altercation occurred, we probably wouldn't have heard about it again.

everyone needs to just let them be. what transpired between these two isn't anyone's business. it is, without a doubt, wrong for a man to put his hands on a female. extremely wrong. but none of us were there. no one should be doing any bashing since no one knows what exactly took place.

feel free to disagree but let me stress that my issue is that i'm tired of hearing about them. all of the speculation just adds fuel to the flame.

valentine's day.

2009-02-09T00:30:00.015-05:00

February 14th is right around the corner. as i sit here, thinking about possible plans, i realize that every year i become less and less enthused with the whole idea of this holiday. i remember a time where i would get so excited about the balloons, chocolates, flowers, and whatever else i'd be receiving from whoever my hunnie was at the time. only for the sole purpose of bragging, if not being able to show off, with my friends. this was early high school. of course, as i got a little older, it became more about the expensive gifts, fancy dinners, and hotel rooms thereafter. again, just so i could have something to talk about with the girls.

i'm sure many men will agree with me when i say that valentine's day is just another day. another day, with a fancy title on it, used to make men come out of pocket. there's absolutely nothing wrong with that but is it really that grand if your guy never does so otherwise?

to me, this day should be a day no different from any other. if not, why feel special about your man going all out one day a year? where's the joy in knowing that sweet gestures only come every 365 days? when it comes down to whoever i'm seeing, i feel like if you're going to wine and dine me then do it for the sake of wanting to do so. do it because i'm deserving. not because it's a holiday tradition and this is an annual thing. the same thing falls for me. if valentine's day rolls around and i happen to be prancing around in crotchless panties and four inch pumps - then it's because that's how me and mines get down. it wouldn't be the first time he's seen my red light special and it definitely wouldn't be the last.

i may be being a little cynical about this whole thing. i've read a few blogs, relating to this day, and i see that some of you are really excited. no judgment. and no, this has nothing to do with me being single. if it did, i'd have no shame in typing up a blog entitled "lonely ass on v. day". lol. anyway, i'm watching the grammy's (God bless the DVR invention) so we'll end here. in the meantime, how do you feel about valentine's day?

starbucks says...

2009-02-06T10:04:00.007-05:00

"you can shower a child with presents or money, but what do they really mean, compared to the most valuable gift of all - your time? vacations and special events are nice, but so often the best moments are the spontaneous ones. being there. every moment you spend with your child could be the one that really matters."

-- wisdom of our fathers.

true indeed.

a dating setback.

2009-02-05T20:02:00.039-05:00

Went to the knicks/lakers game, this past monday, on a date. everything was running smoothly until my date, who we'll call Two, downed his second hot dog. the second one which happened to be topped with relish. ketchup. mustard. and all of that other horrible ish i'd never put on swine in a bun. my issue with him actually presented itself way before the food came. all the hot dogs really did was enhance his dilemma. his breath... poor thing.

i took out some eclipse gum and popped one in. there i was, in my head, talking mess about this man's breath - then it hit me. he could be thinking the same about mines. i popped in another.
"want some?" i asked.
he laughed and opened his hand. "let find find out you're trying to tell me something."
i am was what i thought but i kept that one to myself. "no, babe. just offering."

i read the eclipse package. "powerful fresh breath". that's a joke i mumbled and then i thought about my breath again. thought about how, here in america, we're able to sue over any and every little thing. i wondered if an argument on this type of false advertising would hold up in court.

besides that, i had a very good time. this wasn't our first date so i knew the faulty breath thing wasn't a reoccurring issue. just a slip up that we all have from time to time. no hard feelings.

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(sidebar) - is spike lee the only real knicks fan left? either my eyes and ears were deceiving me or i saw about a thousand people, decked out (head to toe) in blue/orange, cheering kobe heavy. you gotta give probs when props are due but damn. did yall have to join laker fans in chanting "MVP" too? yall were dead wrong. that man did us dirty in our home and yall just put the icing on the cake. tsk.

history made.

2009-01-21T19:10:00.011-05:00

While off from work yesterday, i layed in bed and had my television tuned into CBS all day. i was going to blog about the Presidential Inauguration but i decided against it. as expected, everyone else did. i started to post the popular Hov performance of "My President is Black" but decided against that too. you know everyone else did. i wanted to talk about how stunning Michelle looked ALL day but - yeah, you've guess it - everyone else did. i will say this though...

i've never smiled/cried so much in my life! =)

forbidden fruit.

2009-01-19T00:02:00.010-05:00

a metaphor that describes any object of desire whose appeal is a direct result of the knowledge that it cannot or should not be obtained. usually something that someone may want but cannot have. [wikipedia]

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i called myself making my way to crown heights to spend the evening with Heights (an ex). he'd been home for a few weeks now and we'd been keeping in touch. while he was gone, we often had lengthy conversations on making amends and possibly working towards a relationship. three years prior he pulled a scandalous move which lead to us not speaking for over a year. since then i've forgiven him.

over dinner i'd ask him if he'd been with anyone (sexually) since he's been home. he said no. he admitted to seeing a few old flames but not taking it to that level. he's been very open with a lot of other things. things that i could've easily turned my nose up at. there was no need to lie about something like this so i believed him. we finished eating and we went back to his place.

the next morning i woke up extra happy. i sat up in bed and looked at the mirror straight across from me. my hair was wild, i had sleep in my eyes, and my morning breath was in full effect. i didn't care though. he's seen me first thing in the morning plenty of times and, after the night before, a few hairs out of place was the last thing on my mind. i stared at him for a moment. as i pushed the comforter off of me, i counted three magnum wrappers underneath the sheets. i smiled. it was definitely a great night.

we spoke for a minute. i asked him if he was hungry and he told me that there was pancake mix in the cabinet. we laughed. he use to have a thing for my pancakes, way back when, so that was his way of hinting at what he wanted. i walked into the kitchen and started to pull out what i needed to cook. the bowl i wanted to use was there on his counter with milk and cereal in it. more than likely from the morning before - knowing him. still a slob, i thought and shook my head while grinning.

i walked into the bathroom with the bowl. right next to the toilet was his topless waste paper basket. as i bent over to pour the milk into the toilet i noticed two empty condom wrappers in the basket. i paused. the wrappers to the condoms we had used were still in the bed. i left them there. he hadn't moved from bed since so i knew these two weren't ours. i thought back to the night before and i replayed our conversation in my head. he said he hadn't been with anyone.

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there i go trying to work things out with someone i cut ties with once before. no need to get into who he claimed the wrappers belonged to. of course they weren't his [sarcastic]. not only was his excuse tired but it was insulting in a way. made me feel like he still felt he could run the same game. it was just lie after lie every time i poked a hole into his story. this will be the last time i take three steps backwards instead of two steps forward.

if he's an ex, he's an ex for a reason.

nyc restaurant week.

2009-01-17T21:37:00.003-05:00

NYC Restaurant Week!

(winter'09)

january 18th-23rd/25th-30th

i know i'm not the only one excited about this. if you love to eat out then this is probably your favorite time of the year too. visit http://www.nycgo.com/ for participating restaurants. the only thing is that there are prix fixe menus so you're not open to having whatever you want for the lunch/dinner price...

the cattiness.

2009-01-08T03:01:00.017-05:00

Will i ever understand it? the eye rolling, the stare-you-downs, and all the rest of the bullshit. every so often, usually when i choose to deal with the MTA oppose to the MNRR, i run into something with no home training. it's either type a) the chick who thinks i'm paying attention to her or type b) the chick who thinks i'm paying attention to her man.

type a) is usually some chick who isn't worth a scuff on a new pair of marc jacobs flats. the one who's looking at you, more than you're looking at her, in high hopes of you devoting that same attention in return. i really thought "ice grilling" went out of style with lisa frank accessories and cabbage patch dolls - but obviously not. sometimes i really just want to ask some of these girls if they need friends to talk to. seriously. on some "come here, sweetheart" [pats seat] "sit down and tell A. what's really wrong".

i don't want to cast stones as if to say my character is the always the peachiest. lord knows pre 10am, and a venti mocha latte, i have the only don't fuck with me attitude. with you girls though.. i often wonder if some of you wake up on the wrong side of the bed every morning. what are yall going through? could it really be that much more than i? in a day where millions are starving and homeless, loosing jobs left and right, affected with the ever so rapidly spreading HIV, etc. - is it that bad? go get laid or something. if not for me then for you.

type b)... [sigh]. type b) is the type that the girls and i joke about all time. this is actually what inspired this blog. more often than preferred, i run into some random female who thinks i'm giving her man a half a second of my time. i'm sure 95% of you women can relate but, for the guys, let me explain. it's usually the insecure chick who grabs her man's hand at the sight of another female. the ones we have to give the "bitch, please" look to and giggle at because we know, with all our heart, that they can't be serious.

i mean, what's a girl really to do if i'm standing right in front of you two - on the 5 train, rush hour, with no room to even wiggle my toes? the sad part is, i don't think girls realize how stupid they look in the process. some dudes may dig but what type of decent guy wants a chick like that? not one. that's why it never surprises me when the chick, and homeboy's face i'm supposedly all in, look like some shit off of the bottom of my shoe. if you're worried about him and i off the strength of a glance then maybe you need to reevaluate your relationship with this person. i may be wrong but it's just a thought. we have to do better, ladies. we really do.

one of the illest.

2009-01-04T21:24:00.019-05:00

If you know me then you know my taste in music is as random as random comes. i love everything. contrary to however i may look (dudes catch me spitting BIG and they are in awe - lol), look through my album collection and you'll find everything from reasonable doubt to diamonds and pearls to the dutchess.

putting all of that aside, my first love is R&B. all forms of it. erykah... i don't even know where to begin. i love her. i got the chance to see her at wingate field, in brooklyn, back in august. amazing show. first off, nevermind her music, she's ill. her personality is off the hook. in between songs she held conversations with the audience. humored us. i remember standing with The-sidepiece* thinking "damn, i want to kick it with her". it's that serious. anyway, i got this article via http://bourgieadventures.wordpress.com/ who got it via Blender magazine.

[interview after the jump]

Your self-portrait is full of patterns and symbols. Do they mean anything?
- I’m a double Pisces, and they say we see things a little differently. We see as if we’re looking at things from under water. I just have a different point of view.

And why did you draw a tuning fork?
- To be in tune with the frequency of the world, I use tuning forks in my music. Each one has a certain vibration that relates to a color, scent and set of organs. You can heal with tuning forks-I did it yesterday for somebody who had a cold. That’s a throat chakra issue, so it’s A. You put the tone of A from the head to the toe and it vibrates the mucus away.

Do you remember your first experience with alcohol?
- I was at Grambling State University, and the fashion club had a little afterparty. They were playing a drinking game, I messed up and I had to drink a shot of Everclear. Next thing I remember was being back at my dorm on the bathroom floor. My girlfriends spent the night with me, to make sure I was cool. They said I was singing. I didn’t even know I was a singer at that point.

So Everclear was the start of your career?
- Yes. Everclear made everything clear.

Tell us about your worst haircut.
- I cut all my hair off in 1989. As it was growing out, I put it into these little twists and I went to my grandma’s house. She told me she wasn’t gonna let me in. “You look like rats have been sucking on your hair.” It’s funny, my black grandmother doesn’t really like anything black or African. (laughs) If it doesn’t look like “One Life To Live,” she doesn’t like it

How many people have you truly loved?
- I’ve always wanted the best for the people in my life. *Except for one person: Bombita. She was in the fifth grade with me. And she can die.

What?
- She was mean. She used to step on my toes, anything to make me mad. *I hope she’s a ghetto statistic. And if that keeps me out of Heaven, then so be it.

If we drug-tested you, what would we find?
- Wheatgrass. Green juice. Any kind of zionic bacteria, like chlorophyll and spirulina. I’m drug-free, alcohol-free. Isn’t that boring? Maybe I should be Kid Rock for a day.

What would you do with that day?
- If I was Kid Rock for a day, I would go to the hood and talk shit, just to see what would happen. Talk lots of shit and start some fights with some big black dudes.

What do you spend too much money on?
- I have a shoe fetish. And I spend a lot at Whole Foods.

At least food is nutritious. You don’t need more than one pair of shoes.
- *Are you crazy? Who are you? Now I’m pissed off.

Let’s say you wake up in the middle of the night, and we’re putting all your shoes into a bag. What would you do?
- (laughs) I’d pull out my pistol and as I’m cocking the handle back, I’d ask you very nicely, “Put. The shoes. Back.” Slowly, so you would understand exactly what I’m saying. I think you would put the shoes back.

You’re probably right. What habit do you have that other people find annoying?
- I’m late all the time. I have no perception of time. (laughs) Time is for white people. It doesn’t work with me.

Who is your fantasy man?
- Batman. He’d let me drive that fast car. We’d go to Whole Foods and hold hands and take a shot of wheatgrass together. We’d go up to the counter, and he’d pay. I’d have an invisible jet, so we’d fly away -leave the car there, let Robin take care of it-and kiss in midair. We wouldn’t care who sees us.

How would you describe your taste in sex?
I’m such an organized person that it takes all the fun out of spontaneous sex. It has to be organized the way I want: the clothes have to be folded up neatly, my own music has to be playing. It just adds to the whole show-it’s all about me, it’s my show.

Who was the last person you punched?
- My sister. And was pregnant. (laughs) Well, she was talking shit!

Have you ever doubted your sexual orientation?
- Never. I’ve had a boyfriend since I was 5. His name was Benny, and he could make gun noises by crushing a milk carton with his foot. The first person I ever kissed was Huber Miles, in third grade. *Then I asked him for money. I thought it was appropriate. (laughs)

What does a kiss cost now?
- You have to *change gods and wear crochet pants. You haven’t heard about me?

i love her!

the birthday girl.

2009-01-03T10:22:00.005-05:00

Happy Birthday to The-Wife*

"i'm getting smashed and then i'm getting smashed!" - wife.
(lol. that's why i love you!)

new year, same bitch.

2009-01-01T12:45:00.001-05:00

"i give a damn about you thinking i give a fuck..."
ha! couldn't have said it better myself.

new york fucking city!

2008-12-23T02:46:00.008-05:00

Why i can bust out a pair of ice skates on a main road is beyond me. that's okay though. this is just ummm.. stress related issue no. 879354 that i have to deal with living in nyc.

i would blame this mess on the recession but this occurs every winter. it snows all crazy and then rains for a few days. after that, the temperature drops to -something and it's straight ice from that point on. every day i have to walk up this street. mind you, this goes on for about three blocks and i see no salt. [sigh].

my uggs and rain boots are just a waste of money when it comes to shit like this. it's sad that i need to go out and buy ice grippers for a main street. my route isn't some deserted back road which is what makes me so angry.

naturally, with all the slipping and sliding i was doing today, i could've fallen. a six minute walk took me twenty minutes because i was literally taking baby steps. tip toeing. i really gave thought to just being like "fuck it. walk normal and if you fall just make sure you fall right". you know.. a slip that will give me a little concussion. lol. okay, maybe not a concussion but a twisted ankle or something. nothing heavy but nothing too light either. something that could pay off some of these bills.

why not?

new year resolutions.

2008-12-19T16:11:00.017-05:00

Being the avid away message reader that i am, i've noticed that this is the time of the year where everyone starts to consistently boast about their new year resolutions. personally, i think nyrs are ridiculous. everyone is talking about "new money '09". "cutting people off for '09". yadda yadda ya. ugh...

to me, if you want to do something that alternates your life then cool. do it because you feel like it will better your. not because we're going into another year. i mean, in a sense, a new year does symbolize change. but, figuratively speaking, is it any different from a new day or a new month?

don't get me wrong, i've fallen victim to this fad too. every year, weeks away from the big ball drop, i'd find myself jotting down a bunch of things i planned to do - or not do. i'd make a list of things that i just knew i wasn't going to let happen as soon as that ten second countdown ended. half of which always fell through some way some how. i've wised up though. if i know i need to leave bullshit ass dudes alone then i'm not going to set it in stone for january first. i'm going to do it right then and there...

lol... pause.

okay, okay. so maybe that's the wrong example for me. i have yet to get my act together in that scene. you get my drift though. right?

dead beat...

2008-12-16T21:35:00.012-05:00

"Dad?" i asked. i was completely shocked.
"yeah. she should be about... five years old"
i started to ask about their relationship but he had to think about her age. that told me enough. "when's the last time you saw her?"
he paused to think again. "about two years ago."
"all these estimations." i was becoming annoyed. "when's the last time you spoke to her?"

we'll call this person Yonkers. Yonkers was a guy i met either going or coming from work one day. i remember him getting on the train, behind me, trying to start a conversation on keyshia cole. she was on the cover of the magazine i was holding. it started out as small talk. he kept on talking while i stood there and either nodded or smiled. i was being short with him because i really wasn't interested. he wasn't my type and, after he complimented my physical, i knew exactly where this convo was headed.

a few train stops later, it turned out he had a little bit of charm, a great sense of humor, and, most importantly, he fed my ego heavy. i opened up a little. call it positivity in the form of vanity. lol. somewhere along the lines i ended up taking his number. i'm not attracted to Yonkers in any way but he is cool to hang out with. he's taken me out a few times, we've had quite a few phone conversations, and we've taken the train together at least once a week for the past two years. not once ever has he mentioned having a child.

we began talking about why he hasn't been there for his daughter. now that i look back, i think i got a little rude. call me a bit... no, extremely bias on this topic but there is no excuse for a man not taking care of his child. he was feeding me all types of excuses defending his situation. i heard him list everything from his daughter's mother being a bitch to work taking up his time. in the mist of this my ears went deaf. i had a sudden urge to finish the sudoku game i had started last month. i took my palm out and began playing. our conversation was over as far as i was concerned.

~~men~~ boys, get it together. once again, there is no excuse for being a poor parent. that whole "my baby mother won't let me see him/her" shit is tired. it's an easy way out. my ex is in that same situation now and he's not having it. his child's idiotic mother is using their daughter to get back at him because he doesn't want to be with her. he's about to drag her ass to court now.

growing up and being the ingrownfolkbusiness type of kid i was, i would always over hear conversations about my mom and dad's ugly custody battle. yes, people.. my dad raised me and, when you think about it, that shit was damn near unheard of in those days. seeing/hearing things like this always makes me appreciate what i was blessed with a little more. not everyone has a dad like mines. but then again...

real men do real things.

seriously though?

2008-12-05T22:31:00.018-05:00

"damn, you're sexy as hell for a dark skin chick..."

okay.. [sigh]. so, class is now in session. let me school you young boys real quick.

that is not, has never been, and will never be a compliment. understand? i haven't heard that bullshit of a line in awhile so i thought you fools might have gotten it together.

fyi - not every "light skin" sister is drop dead. beauty doesn't have a specific complexion. especially when our women range in hues as black as coal to as light as white. i never understood how some of you dudes could even begin to kick game like that. this is a mentality that society has created. i won't even get started on that though.

as far as hot breath who said that to me, i didn't even respond. the words ready to slip off of my tongue were everything but Godly. i just gave ol' dude a blank stare. apparently, i was wrong for that. "stuck up" quote on quote. i guess he thought thank yous should have been in order... poor him.

only on the 2 train.

can men and women be friends?

2008-11-18T11:56:00.003-05:00

I've just finished watching 'When Harry Met Sally' - one of my all time favorites. in this movie, Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan get into a funny conversation on relationships. he states that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way. he explains that no male can be friends with a female he's attracted to because he'll always want to sleep with her. also, even if the female doesn't want to sleep with the male, the relationship is ultimately doomed because the sex thing is already out in the open. i, personally, would love to disagree with this. as i evaluate my friendships though.. it's clear that i wouldn't be the best example to proving his theory wrong. can men and women really be platonic friends?

-typing-

yes we DID!

2008-11-05T11:35:00.000-05:00

i've always been proud. never as proud as i am today to be in the skin that i am in.

change has come...

numbers/sex.

2008-10-23T09:30:00.002-04:00

In 'Sex and the City', is the number of sex partners true to New York life?

BY CHRISTY SMITH (NY Daily News)

Before Carrie puts on her Vivienne Westwood wedding dress in "Sex and the City: the Movie"; before Charlotte became a mom at the end of the TV series; before Smith and Harry, Steve and Big, "Sex and the City" was all about flings... too many too count. Until now.

We did the math, punched in some numbers and calculated that during the course of 94 episodes and six seasons, the women of "Sex and the City" hit the sheets with a combined total of 94 men and one woman. Perennially chic newspaper columnist Carrie Bradshaw and her three cohorts picked up waiters, doormen, trainers, lawyers, yoga instructors, bartenders, writers, baseball players, ophthalmologists, Realtors, artists, architects, furniture designers and unemployed actors. Of the four women, public relations exec Samantha racked up the most sexual partners. She bedded 41 men and one woman, while Carrie hooked up with 18, Charlotte 18 and Miranda 17.

Everyone has a "number." But how many is too many and were the "Sex and the City" women oversexed? Definitely - compared to the average American woman, who has nine sex partners in a lifetime, according to a survey by the Durex brand of condoms. But, compared to the average New Yorker, they were right on target. According to Karyn Bosnak, who researched the topic for her novel "20 Times a Lady" - about a New Yorker who vows to have sex with a maximum of 20 men - the typical New York City woman's number is twice the national average.

"Women in other parts of the country tend to get married much younger. It's not a big deal to be single in your 30s in New York," says Bosnak, "There's also the anonymity factor. You can date men from different social circles here. If you have 20 sex partners and you live in a small, rural town, that's not good."

"I stopped counting at 56," says Christine, 35, a locations director from Bayside who lives in SoHo. "There are so many opportunities to meet men here - bars, restaurants, clubs, walking down the street, the deli. Men are everywhere."

Brooklynite Linda, who has been with 17 men, agrees. "I'm married now, but when I was single, I had a blast. Sex was empowering. I once had sex on the F train. It was three in the morning and the car was empty. So we were like, 'Why not,'" says the 39-year- old Carroll Gardens

Manhattan tends to draw career women who typically wait longer to get married. These women usually have money, so they are not financially dependent on men. Their priorities are elsewhere," says pyschologist Victoria Zdrok, author of "Dr. Z on Scoring."

While women with digits like Samantha may keep their number to themselves, Zdrok makes the case that it's something to be proud of. "Women with higher numbers tend to be more educated, have more liberal views and higher self-esteem." she says.

Not all women think having a high number is a good thing. "The women on 'Sex and the City' went through so many guys they devalued sex." says Crystal, 22, an exotic dancer at Rick's Cabaret in midtown. "I've seduced thousands of men, but my actual number of sex partners is one, maybe one and a half. Sex should be special."

the drought.

2008-09-26T02:21:00.019-04:00

So, i haven't done the deed in damn near... well, awhile (what's short to one might be long as hell to another). i didn't realize how fast time flew until i went over to my calendar to mark the ending of flow jo on Sunday.

i was standing there with my red sharpie in hand. staring at the date of my last encounter with Stuy, i tried to figure out where time disappeared to. it's not like there was a particular reason as to why i haven't had sex. that made me wonder what Stuy has been doing.

i'd given thought to going on hiatus a few times. i read somewhere that practicing celibacy from time to time is "cleansing". lol. whatever. my reason has nothing to do with that. i've just realized that i need to get my ish together.

sex is just adding more stress. fantastic sex, that is. don't get me wrong.. i can have a strictly sex/no strings attached type of relationship without a problem. that's not where i'm at in my life though. the whole fuck buddy routine gets tired and we all know that bs never lasts. eventually, someone catches feelings and then things go downhill if and when those feelings aren't reciprocated. Stuy and i have been going through our share of drama with things that i've chosen to leave out of the blogging game. if i were to call it quits then that would be that.

decisions, decisions.

Edit - but wait. wait. wait..

me - so, i'm celibate.
The-sidepiece* - there goes the joke of the day.
me - but it just occurred to me.. am i really practicing celibacy if i'm still masturbating?
me - and shut up. lol.
The-sidepiece* - no, babe.
The-sidepiece* - no masturbation.
The-sidepiece* - have fun with that wild shit. lol.
me - whaaa?
The-sidepiece* - yep.
me - on second thought...
The-sidepiece* - lmao.

if you know me then you know sex has never been a taboo topic. with that said, for my fellow bloggers, i'm going to jump out of the window with this one and let you in on a little secret. i live and die by the toy. [smiles].

let me stress that nothing compares to the real deal. not your pocket rocket. your rabbit. or your sasi. trust, i know. nothing can replace a man's touch. on the flipside, if times are hard and you're looking for something guaranteed..? well then.

celibacy... to an extent.

[laughs].

2008-09-19T23:48:00.009-04:00

Every morning i go to Pablo's deli to order my normal bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich. today was no different. i went in and i told Pablo "the usual". i flirted with his 50 something year old ass and we joked about how i was going to eventually tell his wife that he keeps telling me he's going to leave her for me. that's when i peeped Mr. Construction Worker eying me. "damn" i thought. i don't know what it is but it's something about a man in constructs, dirty blue jeans/a not so white tee (due to hard work), and a hard hat that turns me on. then there was the tattoos! that just set me off right there. anyway, we peaked at each other every few minutes until he came over and told Pablo to put whatever i ordered on his tab. Pablo joking warned him to stay away from me and we laughed some more.

as i admired his features from the side. the freshly shaped goatee. the nice arms. etc. he then turned to me and asked me how was i feeling. that's when i noticed his missing tooth. [sigh]. my train of thought was fucked up from that point on. "why?" was all i could think. i mean, even if i wasn't all in his mouth, which i was, you still couldn't have missed it. a premolar? i can probably deal with. one of the canines? i'm border line on deciding. flat out one of your incisors though? oh, no no no. i just can't. i'm sorry.

BRB
[finish in a sec]

(EDIT) never got around to finishing this. somehow a second turned into days. i'll bring him up another time...

slick bitch 101.

2008-09-09T00:43:00.008-04:00

I'm so disgusted with men and their mendacious ways. what is it that makes men think that they should bullshit about everything? i don't understand it and i'm really tired of tryna figure it out. i'm not going to vent how i'd like to. instead, let me just back track...

a little over a week ago i met a guy while shopping downtown. he caught my eye, we flirted a little, told a joke or two, exchanged numbers, and went our separate ways (i can't go detail for detail w/ this). after quite a few lengthy conversations, via phone, i learned that he was 27, from harlem, single with no kids, graduated from city college, and that, instead of utilizing his degree in business, was currently with the union doing construction. handsome and has his mind right? yeah... i thought he was a potential too.

first off - let me just say that, like most females, i pride myself on being the slick bitch that i am. i might slip up every once in awhile but, at the end of the day, i'm always on my A game.

so, yeah... last night, while on the phone with him, i was browsing myspace on my laptop. right when i was about to ask him if he had a page i stopped myself. i knew his full name so i decided to just check myself. it was just my luck that he registered with his name and had a public page...

the first thing i did was scroll down to his detail box to view his status which read a loud and clear "in a relationship". knowing that if i brought up myspace and inquired about that little aspect he'd hit me with the bullshit "oh, i just have that up there because..." line - i decided to wait and snoop some more. right then and there i told him that i'd call him back. i scrolled back up to view his top eight which consisted of one female and seven dudes. the one female being in his number one slot. before i even went to her page i decided to do a quick comment check. that same female had left about a million glittery "i love you"s all over it. i went to her page and i swear i must have hit the jackpot because her page was public too! eff the photo gallery. miss thing had about a million pictures of them together on the page itself. i just laughed, shook my head, and X'd the windows. my work was done.

i sent him a lovely text stating "though i'm flattered to know that you feel the need to try to impress me (someone you barely know) with a bunch of lies, i'm sorry to inform you that i'm not into the games. no need to reply back. you can now loose my number. thanks". of course he texted me back asking me what was going on. ten mins. later i guess it settled in that i wasn't going to reply because that's when the non stop calling began. he texted me some more asking me to please call him so he could explain whatever he needed to. that's when i really had a good ol' laugh. i sent him another text stating "figure it out", put my phone on silent, and tuned into the VMA's just in time to catch my girl Rihanna on stage looking fierce.

the crazy part is... i wasn't shocked by any of this. not in the least bit. it's like i'm so use to little games guys play that when i find out things like this i just think "okay.. another one". i handle it in my own fashion and KIM (keep it moving). i think about all of the situations i've been through similar to this one and i realize how much i've changed. a year ago things would've been handled completely different. i would've cursed him out and all. now? i don't even stress myself. i can't be down and out over a dude much less one i barely even know. and her? i feel bad for her because i'm sure he has a little sidechick team. i'm also sure that i'm not the only one he was trying to recruit to it. she might be clueless now but she'll find out about him eventually. we always do.

i'm worried...

2008-08-31T05:40:00.007-04:00

Worried that i will never be satisfied. i mean, i'm never content. never. i claim i know what i want but, in all actuality, i have no idea. i'm still in the process of "finding myself". in this process i'm starting to doubt that i will ever understand me completely. does anyone though? does the fact that i'm never pleased mean that i'll never be 100% happy? that scares the shit out of me. i have yet to meet that person who fits all of my needs. sexually, mentally, and emotionally (and then some). it's always one or two out of the three - if any.

let's see...

there was him. he was was great in bed. i'm talking about that back arching, toe curling, multiple orgasm type of great. that it's two in the morning and i'm coming through with nothing but a trench and heels on type of great. i'm talking about that i just got a wash&set and between this heat/all this sweating i know my hair is going to turn into a straight afro but i don't even care type of great. never mind the scenarios though because, minus the sex, he was corny. couldn't carry a decent conversation to save his life so i won't even get into what he would never be able to do for me emotionally.

then there was him. i really miss our long conversations. from our democratic presidential nominees at the time (sorry all you i'm black & voting for Obama because he is too heads. back when my girl Hillary was in it to win it i was really on the fence) to who the bigger Hov fan was. "quick (quote here) which song is that and off of which album?" [smiles]. to this day he's still the only person who can give me a run for my money in a good game of scrabble. too bad he couldn't hang... literally.

and let's not forget about him. he bored me half to death but fuck it. he was sexy. i remember sitting w/ him in ihop and tuning out whatever he was saying (we had nothing in common) while i fantasized about taking him down right then and there. that's what i had to do because he wasn't aggressive at all. nothing annoys me more than a passive guy. seriously, for a male, how are you going to be sexy and shy? ew. closed mouths don't get fed. i should send him the memo. i actually let him rock for a little while. sexy, remember? then came the whackness. ugh...

i could go on and on... and on with past situations but we'd be here forever. this just might be my downfall but i refuse to settle. no one should. you'll live the rest of your life with a bunch of "what if..?"s.

we all lie...

2008-08-25T18:46:00.005-04:00

... some of us more than others.

The Persistence Of a Fabricator

i am a liar
from the tip of my toe nail
to the curl of hair follicle
where my brain begins
to where my spinal cord ends
the greatest falsifier will...
tell you they care
because thats exactly what you want to hear
and she wants to hear, and she wants to hear
but thats my baby mother
her, she my whenever I want to go there
you're my right now, right here
i love you. you, and you
your world is charged with the grandeur of my delusions
fervent hopes
my good dick enhances these illusions
her chimera
and the other her's pipe dreams
I'm not at all what I seem
but my persistence makes you believe
I am the footnote beneath deceive
so when you read this
and I'm found out
you'll can say what you want
rant and rave
it will only increase my stock value
claim me more fame
I will be your asshole, your son of a bitch, your dog, your motherfucker, your lame
I will stare right in those homely eyes
lie through the dental floss opening in my teeth
take none of the blame
remember you said you've never met anyone like me
so how can all men be the same
maybe all women are unchanged
indifferent
you all fall for the same thing
appreciate my art
your mind is my canvas
your ear is my art gallery
my media is fibs, lies, figments, and phantasms
my preserver is my sex
keep your eyes fixed and your soul intertwined with orgasms
so when or if I do decide to slip up
and the fam-I-LIAR seems out of place
just please look past this blue hue of my face
that is so fabulist
think back to my genuine voice
my sincere words
our coitus interruptus
and the fact you ignored my lisp [some ppl said this particular line they didn't understand, but just think how a SNAKE sounds]
dear you
my lies

sincerely,
a forehead kiss

written by my hunnie bunnie Free.
http://itsnofacade.blogspot.com (click)

..?

2008-08-22T02:24:00.016-04:00

Confused, perplexed, thrown - all of that. why is it that men always want to show up when i'm happy with someone else? it never fails. an ex called me today trying to run game. i don't even know why i'm acting all surprised. if this isn't my life's story then i don't know what is.

him - "i'll come pick you up around 8 and we'll talk about whatever happened over dinner. nothing more than that. i promise".
me - [confused look] right... and i'm boo boo the fool. "no, i don't think that would be a good idea".

you see, what we had was quick. i'm talking about a few months quick. lucky me, i caught on to his lying ways early. that's the FBI, CIA, Matlock, Monk, etc. mixed up in me. lol. so, no... i don't miss him. could care less about how he's changed (supposedly). letting that ass go was real smooth and easy. takes more than a high end car and frivolous spending on dinners and such to dull my senses.

this is the second time, over this year, he's gotten the sudden urge to call me with his non sense. sometimes i think he calls just to intentionally blow mines. maybe even for personal fun. whatever the case is, it's unfortunate. if i wasn't chilling with my boy Famous [name change], and in such good mood, he could've got a good curse out. i wasn't trying to take it there though.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

speaking of Famous... hmph. all i can say is i hope Mr. Stuy realizes that he has a great thing. i had to make a difficult decision today. we won't get into exactly what that decision was but, trust, given the circumstances at that very moment? one word: loyalty. Stuy and i have a good thing. not to mention, the last thing Famous and i need is to be creating love triangles. he has his own freshoutofarelationship issues.

ladies...

2008-07-06T18:03:00.014-04:00

I just wanted to say that "toe showing" isn't for everyone. point blank. hundred degree weather or not, we all can't use this season as an excuse. i don't care how gorgeous that strappy four inch Louboutin is. messed up foot work can draw all the attention from a beautiful shoe (okay, i'm being extreme).

i've joked about this, on many occasion, with a few male friends of mine and what i witnessed today was just out of control. i saw everything wrong. females suffering from the double corn on a toe syndrome. running around with crusty concrete heels. toe nails looking like some whole other mess. [sigh]. it just wasn't right. now i fully understand why men stop me in the street just to tell me that i have nice feet. i would too if every other time i turned around i was frightened from what you ladies are displaying.

i'm beginning to believe that some of you just don't care and, to me, that's disgusting. fyi - maintaining your feet falls right under the hygiene category. if you're going to be out there, all out, then that definitely needs to be taken care of. a good french pedicure will only set you back about thirty dollars. a little more than that for that outofhandness my ~~west indians~~ people love.

great foot care products:

1) foot buffer (cvs. rite aid. ect.)
2) peppermint cooling pumice foot scrub (the body shop)
3) peppermint cooling foot soak (the body shop)
4) cracked heel treatment (bath & body works)
5) sage and shea butter (carol's daughter)

don't say i never told you anything... =)

true story.

2008-05-15T14:32:00.015-04:00

"and all this for a ~~nigga~~ that was average doing average ~~nigga~~ shit..."

-- dana gilmore.